i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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