im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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