We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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