so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
