How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
