Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he thought i was a dude.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
