as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
