Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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