Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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