I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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