Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize