She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
