y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
