i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
