So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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