Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
