I got chris browned last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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