i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
