god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
