a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
