No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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