Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
