My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize