You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
