Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
