I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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