ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize