I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
