New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
