I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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