At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
