well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
