I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
