They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
