Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
