Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
