I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize