With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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