Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
