So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
