I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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