I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
