have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
