What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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