I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
