Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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