She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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