Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
