We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
