Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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