the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
