Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
