I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
