Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
