dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
