I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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