I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The power of my boobs compel you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
