Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
