bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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