i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
how does that bad decision feel?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
