He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
