yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize