um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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