I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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