Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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