Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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