im six kinds of drunk right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
