I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
