In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize