Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
