I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im part way to drunk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
