We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
