yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
