doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
