You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
