Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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