What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize