u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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