Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
