I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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