Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
