Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
