Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
